


Fishbowl

by skivvysupreme



Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe - Animals, Fluff, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-19
Updated: 2015-05-19
Packaged: 2018-03-31 06:15:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3967507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skivvysupreme/pseuds/skivvysupreme
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kurt doesn't understand why the humans have done this. The bright, shiny thing moving around in the bag is not Kurt’s friend. It is, most certainly, food. (I was prompted "an AU where one is a goldfish and one is a cat" and oh boy, did I run with it)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fishbowl

Kurt worries about his humans sometimes. Truly.

Mercedes and Sam—and Rachel and the baby human she’s carrying and Jesse when they visit, though Jesse doesn’t come over quite as much because he sneezes every time Kurt rubs against him—are all wonderful in different ways. But every so often, they do things that make Kurt think they’ve gotten a few too many sniffs of the catnip, if you know what he’s saying.

Kurt’s settled and cozy on top of that warm black box Sam is so fond of, the one that sits right next to the TV. This is his favorite spot, besides the couch when humans are on it. Kurt is so comfy with his brown paws tucked under his furry white body, matching brown tail curled around him. When he hears the humans coming into the apartment, he perks up, big blue eyes gone wide in the brown triangle that covers his face, and leaps from his spot to greet them.

Mercedes makes kissy noises and reaches down to scratch between his brown ears. Kurt purrs loudly (he _loves_ Mercedes) and rubs against her legs as usual. But there’s a funny, other-animals scent around her, and the scent gets stronger when Sam comes in, smiling down at Kurt.

“We got you a friend!” Sam says, carefully lifting a bag of water in front of his face.

Kurt sniffs in the bag’s direction and flicks his tail dismissively. This is when he knows the silly humans have lost it again. The bright, shiny thing moving around in the bag is not Kurt’s friend. It is, most certainly, _food._

He meows, telling the humans how stupid they are for making such a mistake, but Sam laughs and says, “See, Mercedes? He’s excited!”

Another meow. _This is mean, making this thing think it has a home when it’s about to be eaten._

More laughter from Sam, and now Mercedes is joining in, cooing at Kurt. She sets a huge, clear ball with a hole in the top on the table, and it doesn’t roll like Kurt expects it to, just sits in place in the middle of the coffee table. Then she puts what appears to be green and blue litter, a tiny red house, and a little green plant inside.

“What do you want to name him?” Sam asks, putting the bag close to his face as the orange-ish thing wiggles towards him.

Mercedes thinks for a few moments, filling the bowl with water. “Let’s name him Blaine!”

Sam grins, and then his face changes and his voice doesn’t sound like his anymore as he says, “’Blaine? That’s not a name, it’s a major appliance!’”

“I’m so glad we watched that this weekend,” Mercedes laughs; she does this so much with Sam, and Kurt doesn’t know why. Sam is delightful and gives good scratches and is always willing to play when Kurt wants to, and he always seems to know when that awful red dot is about to show up, but Kurt doesn’t understand half the things that come out of his mouth. Especially when he does the thing where he doesn’t sound like Sam for a few moments.

“Mrreow!” _Why would you bother to name the food? This is just sad, humans. You’ve been so nice to me, what did this creature do to earn cruelty? What is a Blaine?_

“Okay, we have to let the water adjust a little bit so it doesn’t shock him.” Sam sits the bag of water inside the bowl of water—silly, _weird_ humans, Kurt tries so hard to understand them when he’s in the mood to do so—and he and Mercedes go off into the kitchen.

Kurt lifts up, putting his paws on the coffee table, and puts his face close to the bowl, sniffing.

 **Hi! Hi! Hello!** The shiny thing says, quiet in the way that humans can’t hear but other animals always can. It’s wiggling its odd, fluttery tail and moving in the water so that it can face Kurt. Its eyes are gigantic. **Are you my new friend?**

 _You don’t have friends. The humans lied to you,_ Kurt replies. This poor, shiny, tasty-smelling thing that looks like the sun is so happy.

**No, no. I do! Sam said I would have a friend named Kurt, a pretty kitty named Kurt. And you’re a pretty kitty, so I think you might be Kurt. Are you my new pretty kitty friend Kurt?**

Kurt almost purrs at the flattery, oh yes, he is a pretty kitty and he knows it— _Yes, I’m Kurt, but we can’t be friends. What are you?_ he asks, pawing around the base of the bowl. How will he get the food if it’s in a bag? A bag inside a bowl? In all that water? What sick game are the humans playing here?!

The thing makes a tiny, excited loop inside its bag and says, **I’m a goldfish! And I finally have a name! It’s Blaine! I knew I’d get a name if someone took me home! The puppies and kittens get names when the humans take them home. I like your name, Kurt. Kurt, Kurt, Kurt. Why can’t we be friends, pretty kitty Kurt? Sam said we would be friends and I want to be your friend.**

It’s going to be such a drag to eat this thing, this goldfish, if it doesn’t stop talking, Kurt thinks, hopping up on the table. He paws at the closed plastic top of the bag where it’s sticking out of the bowl. Kurt loves plastic even more than he loves his most favorite toy feather, but he can’t afford to get distracted right now. _The humans should have told you. We can’t be friends because I’m going to eat you, Blaine. Just as soon as I figure out how to get you out of there._

 **Please don’t do that. Please don’t eat me,** Blaine says, wiggling a little slower, his tail drooping. **Please don’t take me out of the water. If you take me out of the water, it’ll hurt me.**

 _I hate to break it to you, but getting eaten will hurt you more. And I want to eat you, so I’m going to eat you._ Kurt slowly sticks his paw in the bowl and extends his claws, letting them catch on the plastic bag.

**No! Please don’t! If something isn’t good, I’ll turn upside down and stop swimming forever!**

_And then I can eat you?_

“KURT! NO!” Sam runs into the room, waving his arms and yelling, “NO! GET DOWN, BAD KITTY!” Kurt hisses and darts from the table, crawling under the chair a little ways away from Blaine’s bowl. Sam crouches down, shaking a finger at Kurt under the chair, and says, “No! Be nice to Blaine! We bought him from the pet store to give him a home, okay?”

“Sam, you say that like he knows what a pet store is, or can understand all that,” Mercedes scolds him, bending over to watch Blaine swim around in his bag-in-a-bowl.

But Kurt does know what a pet store is, and he makes a loud, crying yowl to let them all know he understands. Shiny, happy, nice Blaine was in a _pet store_? The idea puts his fur on edge and his ears fold straight back from his head as he yowls again.

“Oh, no, buddy. Did I scare you? I’m sorry, you just can’t eat Blaine, that’s all.” Sam reaches under the chair and pulls Kurt out, then picks him up and cradles him against his chest, scratching that spot on Kurt’s back right above the base of his tail.

Oh, that is the _spot_ , Kurt doesn’t care how weird Sam is, he _loves_ Sam. He purrs in Sam’s arms as he looks down at the bowl.

Mercedes opens the plastic bag, then turns it over and lifts it from the bowl so that Blaine can swim out of it. Blaine starts swimming big, fast loops and random patterns, exploring his new room.

“Sam, let him get used to it,” Mercedes says, nodding at Kurt, and Sam places Kurt back on the coffee table, watching him carefully.

Kurt ignores the bowl, walking around on top of the table so that he can headbutt Mercedes’ leg. He paws at the plastic in her hand for good measure, and the humans fall for it—“Aw, see, he doesn’t even care about the fish, he just wanted the damn plastic,” Mercedes laughs, and she and Sam sit on the couch, watching Kurt paw at it. After a moment, though, Kurt yawns, feigning boredom, and turns towards Blaine’s bowl.

**Kurt! Hi! Are you going to eat me now? I don’t want you to. I want us to be friends.**

Kurt pads over to the bowl again and sits down, tucking his legs under his body. _I’m sorry you were in a pet store, Blaine. I heard about those places from a stray puppy I know. Puck said they keep everyone in cages and they don’t get to run around a lot and there’s too many animals and you make friends you’ll never see again because the humans take them away._ _And sometimes animals get brought back because the humans didn’t want them after all._

Blaine swims close to the side where Kurt sits, wiggling so that he bobs up and down in front of Kurt’s nose. **Yes, but when the humans take you, you get a home and there’s always enough food for you and there are humans you see every day and sometimes there are other animals. I’m lucky.**

_How are you lucky?_

**Nobody else got the home with pretty kitty Kurt in it.**

Kurt’s purr rumbles through him, louder than it has all night, and he gently rubs his head against Blaine’s bowl. He hears Mercedes making that really soft, high-pitched noise she sometimes makes when Kurt throws himself on his back with his paws in the air after he’s been bad and needs to distract her, and Sam does the suddenly-not-Sam thing and says, “Alright, alright, alright!”

Kurt ignores the silly humans and keeps marking his scent on Blaine’s bowl. _Shiny pretty sunny fish Blaine… I don't want to eat you anymore. You can stay._


End file.
